Category: Pastor’s Corner

Anxious

I’m up really early again. For some reason the Lord is hitting the alarm for me around 4 a.m. So I’ll read His Word here in a quiet office, and see what I could pen about it for us, today.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24

Living these days in a constant state of being anxious for everyone, every situation and every need is exhausting, full-time work. It drains your thoughts, days, joy, nights, health, outlook, relationships, resources, attitude and faith. It is a big job that only the strongest, bravest, most resourceful and tireless can fulfill. Many try out; a few stay the course to its bitter end.

Me? I had to fire myself from the job. My self-termination was for lying on my resume, lack of performance, poor outcomes, and the nagging uneasy truth that I was in way beyond my skill set.

Sure, I’ll try to explain this for us all.

Even reflecting back to 1986, I am unable to pinpoint a particular call or moment when I looked toward vocational pastoral ministry. I had far different plans for my life, and pursued education and degrees to make that a reality. “Most likely to succeed” had produced dreams for me of travel, adventure, publication, and advancement. I came to faith in Christ at age 19, but it took years for the Lord to change my stubborn self-direction. But by His grace, He did.

Looking at it after these years, I can say that my entrance into ministry mainly developed from being heavily involved in the local church. That led to an openness to seek what God was presenting, and then to getting equipped as He provided ways and means. There’s probably a lesson in there for parents with kids, and their local church involvement–but that’s another day.

Leaning toward “career” ministry, there were sober cautions from other pastors to weigh the decision carefully. There was never a voice from heaven, a descent of doves, chorale voices or a particular aura surrounding me. Paula would argue the “aura” bit, especially after I’ve spent a long day outside in gardening, mowing or other sweaty activity. But I digress…

I had the wonderful grace of a solid Bible school and then a seminary that were led by men of faith and prayer. I had reinforced truth that beyond the mechanics of “how to,” a pastor must have a strong, patient and enduring love for the local church and the many who together form the body of Christ in that place.

It is stunning for this old guy to see so many who are in “ministry” today seeking notoriety, mega-success, “big” publicity and ladder-climbing for their personal professional achievement. They can be spotted easily by their words, sheep-driving priorities, and pit-stop tenures. It is a heart of covetousness that sees the flock as a stepping stool to the hired hand’s next level; it certainly is not a shepherd’s heart. It certainly is not the Lord’s heart. May the Lord speedily kill off this cancer of professionalism that consumes and defrauds the flock, eating away at the vitality of the church. I read God’s word, the book of Jeremiah, and have been found to weep with him.

So much for that digression…

So back to the thrust of this Psalm 139 I read through this morning–and I would encourage you to read it completely as well. David beautifully pictures the Lord’s omnipresence and His omniscience. I take great delight in reading these words and with all my heart bow before the truth as amplified there.  But the antithesis of this truth concerning His unsurpassed presence and knowledge, I often have tried to avoid. That is, simply the fact that I am not. I am not omnipresent. I am not omniscient. I am not… God.  A Pastor is not a superhero. He cannot fix it all. Matter of fact, he can’t even fix himself…

From a pastor’s heart, acknowledgment of this truth is humbling, freeing, and binding, all at the same time. It is humbling, because pride in workmanship, doing heartily unto the Lord, being a shepherd/pastor/teacher, realizing a stewardship, wanting to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant…” all of these things can mask a pride in self, as if I indeed would have the wherewithal to accomplish things for my Lord without His empowerment moment by moment. How much He needs to increase, and I need to decrease.

It is freeing, because I cannot be God. I cannot do the work of the Spirit for another, and I am finite and limited in my earthly role. God is God, and I am accountable to Him for what He bids me to come and do. The arenas that are His, will remain His–and I dare not intrude into an office that would trespass that boundary.

It is binding, because I am accountable to live and labor for Him. Far from, “Let go and let God,” there is work to be done in His strength that He has appointed for me. Same for you. To excuse timidity, sloth, ease, or any other shirk by claiming, “God will work it out” is the height of fleshly arrogance and flagrant neglect of duty for the King.

So this Psalm 139 ends with this word: Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24

I achieve nothing but frustration for allowing anxiety to control me. These are hard times, and I hurt with the hurting and in many ways know deep hurt myself. But God knows my heart, revealing to me through the Word and His Spirit the things that are to be embraced, removed, avoided, and restored. Much like the admonition of Paul to Timothy:

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NASB)

For me, it is a liberating thing to realize that hurting for the real sorrows of this time is not a “hurtful way” itself. My response to those hurts can be God-directed; for prayer, action, guided words, and strategic planning. The “hurtful way” would be a response of dropping into anxiety, and then either making panicked, “I’m in control” blunders, or freezing up and withdrawing even more when the need is for men and women of God to stand, and follow His leading in the everlasting way.

So I will do as He bids me, in His strength, and not abdicate my call or role because of the “lion in the streets” excuse of fear, struggle, or inconvenience. I trust it could go the same with you. We have the joy to serve, and serve with, so many with varied gifts and abilities within this body. Yet we are one in Him. This is a time for the church to be the church, and to fully lean upon our Lord as we labor in the proclamation of the Gospel- His will for us-whether it be a quiet or a tumultuous season.

And remember: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NASB)

Time for coffee. A good start to what the Lord will be leading me to in this good day.

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. Colossians 3:23-24

I’m putting some effort into keeping focused in these Patmos days. I hope you are too. There’s a calming effect to getting up at the usual time, getting dressed, having a list to guide my activity, and setting some profitable goals for the day and the week.

I know there’s a huge temptation to “let go” and treat this stay at home as one blurred slouch, but I would suggest that even Paul in prison did not twiddle his days with Netflix and sleeping in. Perhaps the toughest mirror we’ll face is to see what we prioritize and abandon when we have become the boss of our repetitive days–a mash up of Ferris Bueller meets Groundhog Day. Is it any wonder we often learn of discipline and obedience in the Word of God? It’s as if God really knew us, and knows what will profit us. How could that be?

The term “quiet time” has taken on a new meaning, because it’s really quiet around here. I could have a Bible study while laying down in the middle of our street and not worry about getting hit. We’re on a normally busy route that now looks like a set right out of The Ωmega Man. Forget using weed killer on the driveway cracks– I might have to spray the road.

Besides the extra time to read, write and ponder this Word, I’m also getting started on a couple of major projects I’ve not taken the time to tackle. It’s a plus that months ago I had purchased supplies for these jobs. Now, I am barred from those aisles in the home improvement store, where all stocked but “non-essential” materials cannot be sold. By decree, we the comrades of Michigan are to leave home only for food or medicine, or some form of solitary exercise. Just don’t try to do home renovations, gardening or landscaping as a form of that exercise. These activities are dismissed by our head as non-essential business, and certainly not important for any individual’s mental wellness. Happily, our leader has made an exception for us. We are granted a pass to procure the approved mental wellness therapeutic essentials of pot, booze, and lottery tickets. But for now, shopping for a gallon of paint to occupy my lockdown time could get me a hefty fine and/or some time in the hoosegow.

Hmmm. I’ll let you know when I get the logic of these permissions and prohibitions sorted out. I’ve plenty of time to think, as this gadabout has been placed in timeout.

So I’m teaching and sharing a couple of messages on patience this month. James tells us in James 5:7-8; Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains. You too be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near.

As in James, God’s Word links numerous truths with the cycle of His creation. I think of a few passages from Jesus’ teachings: The wheat and tares. A sower went out to sow… A mustard seed. The fig tree. A sycamore tree. Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies…The fields are white for harvest… Observe the lilies of the field…

James uses that link to creation’s cycle in his admonition for us to work patiently in our day, even though we know Jesus will come again. The temptation to sit and gaze into heaven is not a new phenomenon here in these Corona Days. Throughout the ages, many who claimed to know Jesus have used the slightest excuse or inconvenience to be idle, and claim a spiritual pride for it. Idle is idle, no matter how much lipstick you smear on it…

James is practical and clear: The farmer starts early in the year, doing what he should do, with no guarantee that days will be easy and harvest will be bountiful. He is aware of what must be done, and gets to it because it is needful work. James likens patience to the long stretch from preparation to harvest that every farmer or hobby-gardener knows well. The farmer understands that to not do the first things will absolutely turn to catastrophe later on. The Lord will not “make up” for the things that were the farmer’s responsibility. Likewise, the farmer recognizes that the Lord sends the rains, and creates the harvest. So broadly, in our days until the Lord returns, He has purpose for us, and will work through us. That means we are to be focused on labors both spiritual and material.

Paul’s admonition to the Colossians that I began with today also mirrors that same thought, but he also points to the “why” of giving our best in our labors. I‘m not to do work just for my own merit, pride, benefit, or reasoning. I am to see a stewardship in all of my labors, and keep my thoughts on the Master, whether I’m preaching the Word or cutting the grass. All I do, in God’s accounting, sends out my opinion of my Lord. I don’t slap out the routine tasks, just to “git ‘er done.” In every task I should give my best, because He is worthy of my best.

Our testing by this pandemic has come in the Spring, and that fact is not lost on me. It is a glimmer of grace in the midst of the Lord’s allowance of this sifting for our lives. To have milder days under “house arrest” is a blessing I will not overlook, and I give Him thanks. Because of this grace, I am setting time each day to be in the garden and the greenhouse, for there is work in those places that is needful.

And so it goes. I’m turning over soil. Fertilizing, weeding, and composting. There are garden seedlings started, and soon with their first true leaves, transplant work. The lettuce boxes are erupting to life, requiring attention to maximize their yield. The pace will continue on, with differing jobs as the season slowly changes over these next weeks and months. There will not be idle time, even when the last of the harvest is gathered in.

I could delay. It’s an off year. So much is in upheaval. My calendar and schedule are completely off-balance. Excuses line up like the queues in front of the grocery store. There is an overriding “funk” that fights to grant me permission to put off these things, “Why bother at all, in a world so completely upside down?”

But this is spring. And there is little time to waste. The world around us is changing, but the seasons march on, set in God’s plan to continue, for all of earth’s days. When Noah emerged after the judgment of flood, God spoke this word to him and his tiny family: “While the earth remains, Seedtime and harvest, And cold and heat, And summer and winter, And day and night Shall not cease.” Genesis 8:22

Yes, it is Spring. A time of renewal, and coming to life. The tomb is empty. The Lord has given us His Living Word, and every promise is true. This is the day to labor for Him, and testify of Him, in all we do. The things that matter, are changeless.

So I encourage myself, and hopefully you as well. Be patient. Be active. Learn endurance, not idleness. Find your rest in Him, as you find your joy in fruitful labors. There is a harvest, and an accounting, just ahead.